Archive for the ‘Health Police’ Category

Well, it’s bound to be. Or else, it’s not dangerous per se (annoying phrase and possibly miss-spelled but I’m too tired to think of another one) but ‘studies’ somewhere, at some point, will show that too much of it (breathing), or doing it in a manner other than a technique prescribed by experts and approved of by the government, is not only life-threatening but dangerous to others — especially unborn babies.  This threat will have a name which begins with the word ‘passive’. If you continue to get your breathing wrong and fail to take advice  you will then be a social pariah and a child-killer, just because you didn’t listen to the experts  — whose livelihoods largely depend on them drawing our attention to how everything will kill us and how we are (passively) killing everyone else.

They’re on about ‘environmentally-friendly’ lightbulbs now and how they may be a threat to health. Of course. I’m sorry to gloat but I’m glad it’s something that was previously on the ‘approved’ list (in fact, I’m almost certain that ‘they’ — raving environmentalists — were getting ready to force us to use these type of lightbulbs to the exclusion of all others).  Zealots can never admit they were wrong, though, so they’ll probably issue some statements saying that any damning study was flawed (but all studies which support their views are, of course, totally spot-on and cannot be questioned).

I tried to get a carrier bag to carry home my shopping this week and had to face an interrogation by a supermarket cashier, who wasn’t even impressed by my defense that I had brought my own bag but couldn’t fit everything in, as I’d bought some products which were on a special two-for-one offer (in an attempt to keep myself and loved-ones out of the poorhouse). I pleaded my case as best I could but she didn’t care that I would have to struggle home on public transport with bananas sticking out my coat pocket or that my half-price bloomer would be flattened to the size of a pancake by the time I got through my front door. She was a member of the bag-police and had right on her side. My only consolation was that she had horribly misshapen rabbit teeth. As she lectured me and gave me the evil eye, all I could think was: rabbit, rabbit, rabbit; orthodontist, orthodontist, orthodontist… The tooth thing had probably warped her mind and ruined her life — I might have been doing her a favour if I had punched her teeth out right there and then (only joking, Word Police).

You can read more about all the lightbulb business over at The World’s Gone Mad. I love that blog. Sometimes I get so mad about things that I can hardly speak about them, let alone write about them. And sometimes I get so annoyed that I’m beside myself and we look at each other and don’t know what to think. It’s then that I head over to the ‘Gone Mad’ blog to find out what Billy Seggars has to say about things. Billy usually has a nicely controlled rant but manages to stay witty and coherent throughout.

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I read last week that a sour-faced pub barmaid reprimanded a man for causing offence to other customers. His ‘offence’ was laughing — seemingly his joviality was ‘disturbing other customers.’  The laughing man and his friends were indulging in the kind of back-slapping hilarity that we don’t hear so much of in recent times in what passes for pubs these days and this had caused some disapproving stares from some business-types nearby — who were, no doubt, being put off their mineral water and (unsalted) peanuts.

To me this just about sums-up how all the kill-joys and health freaks are squeezing all the character and the craic (in the Irish sense) out of our drinking establishments. It’s only a matter of time before alcohol is rationed in pubs — some method will be employed to measure how many government-approved units a person has had that day and service will be refused once they’ve reached their ‘healthy’ limit. The sale of crisps will be out the door too (with the smokers).

This drive to make pubs more ‘healthy’ is all wrong and will knock the life right out of them. I’m sure that — if there is a demand for them — there could be ‘healthy/wholesome’ pubs (cafes?) for those individuals who are offended by everything that people have enjoyed in pubs for generations.



I know I said yesterday that it would take me around two years (or whatever) to get the hang of Blogger but I was wrong and I’m finding it all easy-peasy now. I was probably just subconsciously resisting Blogger because I love WordPress so much and was feeling strangely guilty about blogging somewhere else. As if anyone in this whole entire universe would give a jot.

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fryup.jpg   It’s glaringly obvious that the present government likes nothing better than to stick their nose in our private business and never more so than when it comes to the subject of health. I’m sick-and-bloody-tired of being told what I should or should not eat, drink or inhale.  This current obsession with a ‘healthy lifestyle’ is driving me nuts (admittedly, it wasn’t such a long journey).

Gillian McKeith   Overall good health is not just about the absence of disease but is tied up with the numerous little pleasures we indulge in to make us feel happier and give us some enjoyment. Personally speaking, if I’ve had a hard day I’d find little solace in a mung-bean stew or a sodding celery stick. I wonder what Gillian McKeith does when she’s pissed-off (which — by the look of her — she is most of the time). Probably meditates or bounces on that stupid trampoline she’s always banging on about (doesn’t she know about the law of gravity and the damage all that bouncing can have on the female figure – not that she has one).

marsbar.jpg   I think it was hearing about the headmaster who removed the poison chocolate playtime snacks from his pupils that just drove me over the edge. Then I read about some place in the United States that banned the use of scent and perfumed products, because it could possibly provoke a negative health reaction in those who had a ‘chemical sensitivity’. I guarantee that fair percentage of these ‘sensitive’ souls are driving around in gas-guzzling, atmosphere-polluting cars.

I’m not making an anti-car point here – I’m just saying that practically everything we do has some effect on someone else, somewhere on this planet. Of course some restrictions have to be in place to protect people from the life-choices of others but we’re now getting to the stage where good-sense and compromise is being replaced by blame, victimisation and intolerance. Ridiculous laws and regulations — which pander to the wishes of hypochondriacs, kill-joys and ‘healthy-lifestyle’ zealots — seem to be springing up at a frightening rate.

All this excessive ‘healthism’ is taking the fun out of life, removing the excitement of taking a bit of a risk. And health fanatics are the most boring, disapproving, sanctimonious people who ever walked the earth. Have you ever shared a house with one? I had a roommate once who disapproved of the following: alcohol, tap water, sugar, salt, meat, wheat, coffee, tea (some herbal teas met with her approval), dairy products, all cooked foods, smokers (obviously), citrus fruits, all non-organic products, and anything which had been stored in an aluminium container.

She also disapproved of:

‘Loud’ music — anything that was audible to the human ear
Television — ‘mindless drivel’
The use of deodorants and the removal of body hair
Most men
(not that she seemed to be troubled much by male attention)
Household cleaning products — and the vacuum gave her a migraine — so no housework for her, then…
Gossiping — not that anyone wanted to talk to her (about her — yes)

That was a few years ago, so she’s probably locked herself away in an isolation tank by now, with a few organic carrots. Admittedly, she was a bit of an extreme case but you can see where all that obsession with health can lead.

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