Archive for the ‘Death’ Category

Feels weird to be writing that I love Sundays, because I used to detest them. Most boring day of the week and the dreaded Monday morning hanging over everything. Monday — when you had to go back to earning a living — and I think I could win an award for the number of totally-crap-jobs held by one human being. Everything changed when I started working on Larkin & Catcher.

I’ve never felt more enthusiastic about anything and enthusiasm is practically my middle name. I think many people eventually have their enthusiasm drained out of them in most jobs — the horrible reality that many businesses are rigidly tied to some predefined and inflexible model of operation and the dawning realisation that a majority of businesses do not operate in a form that truly encourages creative thought. Innovation and originality are stifled —  because everyone is so busy sticking to the corporate game and playing safe in order to avoid a knife in the back. I just like the maverick side of L & C and the way we take chances and don’t always opt for the safest option. So work life is happy and I look forward to being here — even if it is usually only in the virtual sense.

But back to Sundays. No lazy lie-in for me last Sunday — I was dragged out on a shopping expedition, despite my insistence that I had no intention of buying one single thing. But it was a good day — partly because we ignored all the ‘Sales’ and just concentrated our attentions on items which we felt had some value unrelated to their price — and also because it was good to be out in the land of the living again. Just relaxing in a coffee shop, idly flicking through newspapers, people-watching, sharing a double-choc muffin. He (a relative) bought shoes and I bought a book and some music.

Everything has been so intense recently, my non-working life has been so caught-up in thoughts of death that I’ve been in an almost permanent state of breath-holding — just waiting for the next big shock. I think Sunday was the most relaxed I’ve been since everything turned up-side down. When we got home we decided we were too whacked-out to cook and ordered a take-away — but then someone ate a bit too fast, swallowed too much and began to choke.  Some water and a lot of back-slapping fixed it and he was laughingly unperturbed. It was only two minutes at most — but in my head I had him dead at nineteen. I laughed, like everyone else — I don’t think they noticed that I was shaking and they would not know that my heart was pounding for ages afterwards.

I have to sort that out — the feeling that everyone I love can be wiped-out in seconds, with no warning. People all over the planet deal with it — the inescapable thing that we run around trying to avoid.

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