Archive for October, 2007


It’s around 3am  and I’ve been sitting here wondering if I should write a post or not. I haven’t posted here for over a month and I think if I don’t do it now then I never will again. Someone very close to me died very suddenly four weeks ago and everything changed in that one night. I don’t even know how I feel, as I’ve been on automatic pilot since then. I guess, if you believe in the ‘stages of grief’ theory, then I’m still in the numb stage. I mean, I know he’s ‘gone’ — I was there when it happened and I made all the usual arrangements afterwards — but it still does not seem real, somehow.

*I think I won’t write about it much here — despite being a long-time blogger — I am, essentially, a very private person. But I felt it was and is too important not to record here. One thing I do know — everything has changed: I will never be the same person I was before and the world is a very different place for me now.

*Update — if you’ve read any of my more recent posts, you’ll see that the subject has crept-in. Not in all the horrible detail — but I’d just be a big fat fake to totally cut-out my true feelings just now. I’m still fat, though…

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