Archive for August, 2007

I don’t usually feature items here which I’ve been blogging about elsewhere but I’m making an exception tonight because I love these shoes (by the master) so much.


And the socks/tights just add to their beauty, don’t you think?

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A male sales assistant in a fashion boutique in Rome, on noticing a customer (a relative of mine)  looking at a particular dress:

“Yes, that dress should fit you — it comes in extra large“.

Unnecessary — that man needs trained-up, sharpish.

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Wave pool in Tokyo — no-one does weird better than the Japanese.


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Sing a song?

I’d love to have an even half-way decent singing voice – mine is truly awful and has been described variously (and with unnecessary cruelty, in my opinion) as ‘atrocious’, ‘insulting’ (?), and ‘frightening’. I can’t dance either and seem to lack co-ordination and any sense of rhythm. Never a quitter, I once went for dancing lessons from an instructor who boasted thirty years experience. I tried to warn him about my inadequacies in this area but he insisted that he’d have me ‘tripping the light fantastic’ in no time (that alone should have sounded some alarm bells).  However, after about forty minutes he pronounced me ‘unteachable’ and offered me a partial refund. Bloody cheek.

It’s the same with sports – I’ve never been able to show any aptitude in any sort of sporting activity. I hated gym lessons at school, especially when the class had to be divided into two teams, and the ‘captains’ had to choose which members would be on their team. I was always the final one to be chosen – apart from at my last school – where I managed to be last-but-one. But that was only because they where trying to avoid a girl called Biffy, who was morbidly obese, and had chronic asthma and a heart condition. Even then, Biffy nearly beat me in a race once, and I only just pipped her at the post, as she was reaching for her inhaler. The sports master did show some interest in improving my performance on the sporting field, but, sadly, his motivations turned out to be less than pure.

I did take up martial arts and stuck it out for six years but even at the end of that time I could hardly punch my way out of a wet paper bag. The only thing I really had to show for all that training was a dislocated shoulder and enviably tight abdominal muscles (now sadly wasted-away by years of inactivity and too many visits to the fridge).

The reason why I’m thinking about my lack of talent in these areas just now is that it has once again been brought to my attention that I differ so much from the rest of my family when it comes to these activities.  Most of my family are very sporty and are all exceptionally good dancers. They are also very musical and have generally good singing voices. My father, in fact, had an astonishingly beautiful operatic singing voice, which could bring tears to the eyes of the listener. Admittedly, I can elicit and same response, but for entirely different reasons.

Anyway, I’m not going to give up on the singing and I’m thinking that it may be a skill which can be taught. Not lessons – not after that ‘refund’ incident – but I might buy one of those ‘learn to sing’ CDs. I read somewhere that the secret is in the breathing and once I learn to breath properly I might be able to produce a reasonably decent little tune. I may even record something to put on this blog, and you can vote on whether it would have been a good idea to keep the receipt.

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